I am an addict

I am finally coming clean...
I am totally addicted to worshiping God with music! Not just listening to the music itself or singing along. But to the powerful things that happen when I am totally ALL OUT focused on Him.
I am the happiest when I am lost in worship with God or leading others to worship God through music. WHY you ask - because it's truth - it's real! Because when it's just you and God, NOTHING else matters! Because we get to be in the presence of the one who love us more than any person ever could!
Recently, I have started playing keys and singing back-up vocals at church. It has reminded me how much I LOVE it! Not because I am looking for attention from people because I really don't love that, but because I am addicted to His presence. I am also addicted to the biggest adrenaline rush ever - looking out and seeing people singing, and not just along with their favorite band who sings about a broken love, but to the KING of ALL. To see walls being broken down in the hearts of man and to see the faces of people discovering the endless love of our Heavenly Father. Music worship is powerful for every part of you and me. I pray that if you have never let yourself go completely in His presence during music worship - that you would. I promise it's SO beautiful and completely addicting. You will also be going back for more and more!

supergirl

This picture of my little girl reminded me of being a child again. When I was little, I often felt like a supergirl - I could be anything! In my imagination anything was possible - I was fearless!
Since having children I can see why God loves children so much. How amazing IS the faith of a child! A young child does not doubt in what they can not see. They are not afraid of what other people will think. They simply believe. Yet somewhere between childhood and adulthood we take on doubt and fears. It can be such a stumbling block in our lives and in our faith. So I pray....
Lord, help me to have the faith of a child again. That I could do amazing things in this world for YOU and be Your supergirl.

a new season of us

Living in Colorado I finally realize that seasons come and go. There was a season when all God did was speak to me, give me dreams and ideas. He would wake me up and pour thoughts and words into me. I know it sounds crazy, but I was doing ministry far above what I was humanly capable of. God allowed me to speak to hundreds of youths and lead thousands of people into His presence through music. That is crazy in itself for someone like me. Bottom line is that it was ALL GOD. I gave Him a willing heart and He took over. I am SO thankful for that season.

That season ended as I entered a valley. I have gone through a myriad of feelings and emotions since I moved from ministry and all I knew and loved to follow my husbands lead. Frustration with that situation left me listening only to my own complaints. I no longer heard God like I once did because I was getting in the way. I sadly confess I let it overtake me. I never walked away from the Lord, but, somehow I was side-swiped and am still trying to get back to where I once was. The good news - God is calling me again. I feel Him tugging at my heart. I know it's a matter of time as I make more time to really seek His face I will hear His voice again like I once did. And a new season of US will begin!

maggots on poop

A couple days ago my husband was admiring the beauty of our daughter. He said he needs to keep working out to fend off all the boys since they will be all over her, like maggots on poop. Really babe??? You know you just called our daughter a piece of poop! (And you can thank me for not including a picture as i could have!) :)

my messy story

If you came to my house right now this is one of the messy rooms in my house you would see. I sat on the rocking chair feeding my sweet baby, as I gazed at the mountain of work still ahead of me. I felt frustrated and tired. See this mess is a familiar scene. Toys, dishes, laundry, snot tissues (at least right now)....you name it and you'll find it laying all around the house. Then I began to think that if each messy room could talk they would have a story to tell.

You see, the baby was fussy this morning - he needs to poop! So after changing his peepee only diaper, i picked him up, cleaned out his snotty nose and tried to calm him with toys. This worked long enough for me to get the clean laundry out of the dryer. I folded about 4 items when he started fussing too much, so I had to carry him. I had promised to take the big kids to the library, so I figured I might as well get him and I dressed before it got too late. I finally got out of the house to return an hour later with lots of books. The kids were excited and dumped them all out on the floor. Now it's lunch time and off to school we go. Now I have 2 little ones napping and while I should be down cleaning this mess, I wanted to sit for a moment. Here I am writing this post quickly because soon one little one will wake up and the day goes on and on!

So please don't judge, there really is 3 good reasons for this mess.....big bro, little sis and baby! And be happy I only showed you ONE of the rooms in my house! I'll close with this - "If you want to see ME drop by anytime, if you want to see my house call ahead!!"

kid stuff

Little big man is doing great in kindergarten, but can be a little too chatty at times teacher says. Hmmmm.....sounds like someone else in the family! We had fun with his 100th day project, as we chewed 100 pieces of bubble gum for his poster project. He also just ended his first basketball season. Can i just say little kids playing basketball is hilarious to watch! (If I got a nickle for everytime a kid traveled!!!) We all had lots of fun at his games and he really did well. I'm sure he'll play again next year!

My little princess can often be overlooked. She's an easy, compliant child and is no longer the baby of the family, so she can get lost in the shuffle. We realized it had been awhile since she got some special attention so her and I went on a date. She loved the attention and for a couple hours she was the center of our universe. We went to a kid's art place where we can leave the mess behind and her favorite red robin. At home, she also loves playing board games....her favorite being Uno Moo.

Lastly, Mr. Happy is working hard at growing up way too fast! He really is such a good baby that happily gets dragged from place to place. In his spare time he loves to spit, babble, roll, sit and grab everything in his reach, especially hair. I think it's safe to say his favorite thing to play with is the paper on the tables at the doctor's office. Our silly little guy continues to melt our heart with his sweetness - oh and I win....he said mama first! :)

follow through

When I lived in LA and was in my home turf with plenty of friends, I often told people I'd meet....let's have dinner or coffee sometime. It's something a lot of us do casually with the best of intentions, but really we know we may not have the time or interest at all.
Since I have moved to 2 different states and have been that "new" girl looking for friendship, I hung dearly to the words "Let's do lunch". What I found was that so many of us say that and so many of us really don't follow through. I was let down again and again waiting for plans to work out to have a get together and no matter my attempts or patience, I came away from many acquaintances sad and let down again. After all, I was really in need of some friends.
Recently, I met a mom from Jay's basketball team. She seemed so nice and friendly. Once again I heard "let's get the kids together". I really liked her and hoped she really meant it, but I knew better than to get my hopes up. A couple weeks passed and she invited me to lunch. Then I got the phone message that there was a time conflict. Instead, of the easy thing to do - cancelling, we moved our lunch a bit later. Yesterday, I made a new friend over sushi and am overjoyed that she really wanted to get to know me. I was so happy that she did not just talk about possible future plans, but we actually did it!
May this be a reminder to myself when I meet a possible new friend to not just talk about possible plans, but to really make them and follow through!

nabz games

In honor of the olympics, the kids have been enjoying playing our Nabz Games. We do things like a sack race, 3-legged race, bucket ball and whatever I can come up with really. To prevent fighting I had them compete for their personal best time. After all, we have the 5 year old division and 3 year old division. Not only has this been great excersise, but it keeps them busy! The cool part is when I have to leave the games, they continue to play making up thier own creative games. If you have not brought the olympics home to your kids I suggest you do and come up with some wacky creative games to share! :)

patience

I have never liked someone telling me to WAIT! I think I have been bred to be the most impatient person ever. I tend to find myself always rushing and sometimes I don't even need to be. So the obvious thing I am always faced with is waiting. I had to wait until 18 to have a license and car, 21 to have my first boyfriend, 24 to get my dream job, 32 to get out of AZ, 33 to have our first house....the list goes on and on. God must be thinking when will she learn already??? After all, He always answers my prayers in one way or another and it's always been perfectly timed as He has planned. (in the past I have tried to make things happen on my own and have failed miserably everytime - it's not recommended!)

So while I have found myself impatient again about getting back into music ministry I know it's best to wait on Him. It's been years since I have done anything more with music than dust my piano and sing the ABC's. I have such an itch to do music ministry in some aspect, yet it's not time. My season is here in my home with my kids (I need to nurture thier spirits) and with my community in meeting any needs presented.

If, since i'm getting older by the second, and when God wants me to do music ministry He will make a way. So although it's hard to wait, I will embrace this season I'm in. There are lessons to be learned and character to be built in me that I don't want to miss. God open my eyes to see what you have for me right now in this moment. Slow me down and help me to stay present while I look ahead. And thank you God for being patient with me!

content

Someone mentioned to me awhile back how content my baby was when he was with me. I thought, well, ya i suppose he would be since I do everything for him - right? It seemed obvious since I was his mama. Shortly after God reminded me of that moment when I got some news....

Back in December my baby boy went in for his 4 month check. As I assumed, I had a very healthy thriving boy and all was going great. Then I mentioned to the doc that one side of him seemed a little fatter than the other. I chuckled saying i think it's cuz I nurse him on one side more than the other and gravity has it out of wack. He investigated quietly and did not entertain my poor joke attempt. He mentioned something about the possibility of Hemihypertrophy. So he recommended we go to children's hospital for further analysis. (My stomach and my wheels are now turning and you can bet I was online researching what this was as soon as i could)

Hemihypertrophy in summary is a genetic disorder where there is an enlargement (5% or greater in width and or length) on one side of the body or just a body part. The scary part is that Hemi is often linked with other syndromes that are not good, as well as there being a risk kidney or liver tumors which grow very rapidly.

Finding all this out had me so worried and anxious. Then God reminded me that I needed to be content in Him, as my son is content in my arms. So I let myself mentally climb up into my Father's arms and as I remained there close to the one who holds our every breath, He filled me with contentment, peace and a calm. I did not know the outcome, but everything was ok in the arms of my God.

Come January and we finally get to children's. Prognosis is 3 possibilities. Completely normal, Isolated Hemihypertrophy or Neurofibromatosis (NF). Long story short since we can not rule out the hemihypertrophy we must follow the protocol in checking for tumors every 3 months for the next 8 years. And as they confirmed something we did not want to hear, we were THANKFUL!

How can we not be thankful for so many reasons? First, we were in Children's Hospital and if you ever want a reminder of why things are not so bad in your life, just go there and see all these precious children with terrible illnesses. My heart and prayers go out to those families! Second, my baby will live a normal life and may be only his wife will ever notice his small differences. Third, if he does get a tumor, while scary, the success rate is high in removing it with full recovery.

In all this, I am so reminded that our children are a gift to be treasured everyday since we do not know what tomorrow may bring. And in that daily unknown I have a God who I can trust to make me content.